The Hamster in the Bar

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink.  The bartender says, "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy and he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up onto the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing a tune. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.  Here's your drink"

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

The bartender says, "Money or another miracle, or else no drink."

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.

A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar with the frog.

The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must be worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Not so", says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."

Pork Sirloin Roast

Ever notice that pork tenderloins can get pretty dried out?  A pork sirloin is larger and tastier and holds up better in the cooking process so you actually get a juicier product at the end.

Ingredients:

2 pound pork sirloin roast

1 tablespoon whole black peppercorns

1 tablespoon dried rosemary

3 large large garlic cloves, crushed

Method:

Using a mortar and pestle, grind the peppercorns and rosemary together.  Crush garlic cloves and spread over all surfaces of the roast.  Sprinkle and rub in the pepper and rosemary.  Place roast fat side down in a 9x13x2 inch roasting pan and place in a preheated 350 degree oven for 40 minutes (20 minutes/pound).

Remove and let rest for 15 minutes before carving.

We served ours with rice, green beans and gravy made from the drippings in the roasting pan (that’s a roux with butter and flour in equal parts combined with the grease and crumblies right in the pan).  If you want to add salt, do it to the gravy and not on the roast.  Pork has a bit of natural salt so if you sprinkle salt on the pork before roasting, be very careful and go easy with it.  Taste the gravy before you salt that too.

Prayers Get Answers - Yes They Do!

A few days ago I posted the final segment of my talk for our church's "Alpha" course on prayer.  Alpha is a worldwide instructional series that we have been doing at our church for many years.  I have been through the course myself and have given some of the talks in the series over the years.  This year I was asked if I would be the lay leader.  That involves putting a team of people together that lead small group discussions after the talk each night and a few other duties.

The course each week includes a dinner, babysitting for children of all ages (usually with some instructional/activity-based process for them while the parents are pre-disposed), some music/singing component, a talk and then the small group discussion centered around the talk topic.

Aside from the organization aspect, my own involvement is playing the guitar (along with a good friend) to lead the song segment, a mandatory joke or two to lighten-up the group, and then introduction of the speaker for the evening.  On four of the nine meetings I have been asked to provide the talk. 

The guitar part has been an emotional challenge for me.  Last year my friend (Bob) and I were asked if we would play and lead the song segment.  When asked I said' "Yes, if Bob will."  When the priest asked Bob a few days later he said, "Yes, if Ned will."  So that was that.  We played and lead.  Bob and I met each week on Sunday or Monday nights to figure out what we could play and sing, then assembled a songbook for the participants and did the deal.

Its a bit easier this year since we have the songbook already and we've "done the gig" before.  We might be better at it this year.  Plus, I actually have developed a bit of "a voice" which will come as a surprise to some of you who know me well.  Secretly I am John Fogerty's mini-me.  But that's a real big secret .. maybe it could be classified as a wish.  As in, "you wish."  Chump.

My anxiety around playing the guitar and leading song is that, while I did that a time or two in high school, all my playing has been strictly for my own consumption at home and without singing.  I do not carry a tune well in voice and have a small portion of  a "musical ear" with which to draw from.  So really I am best left alone in the man-cave with my guitar to romanitize and fantasize how good I am.  Look out CCR and the Stones.

I can give a speech in front of thousands and have done that many times without a nerve, but playing the guitar in front of a few dozen people is a scary event for me.  That is really outside the comfort zone for me.  Mmmm, no.  But its working so far and no one has laughed or walked out on us because of the music.

I gave the talk on prayer Wednesday night of this week.  It went off about like I had planned.  Speakers are not to use a script in this.  While I did have my talk written out word for word I also had an outline and I used that.  My fear with an outline is that I'll transgress into a lengthy tangent and forget where and why I was going there.  "Happens all the time" - to quote the insurance lady on tv.

The talk went well.

Here's the punch line:

I belong to a golf club - probably the least expensive private club in the city.  The intiation fee is a one-time deal of $1,000.  Annual dues are $800.  Then you pay to play at a very low rate each time out.

We don't have the $800 just sitting around the house.  In fact, my wife told me that "in truth" she couldn't understand how I could justify the expense given I could play at a public course for a good bit less money.  In my mind I am involved in a much better deal, play with established guys that know me and are "buddies" and do not have to put up with "the public" golfers who can be kind of frustrating as they scratch around the course.

Yesterday we got a check for over $900 in the mail.  I had said a prayer asking that if I could/should be playing golf at my club going forward that it be made clear to me in some way.  My wife had said the same thing in prayer.  When we opened the envelope and saw the check, we knew what it was.  Totally unexpected source and amount.  Everybody had some tears and a whole lot of appreciation for how God really does take care of His children.

Its an excess to some and a drop-in-the-bucket to others.  To me it is another year of my major exercise and sports activity in my life.  It is also a clear and present proof that God answers prayer.  Go back and read the talk I wrote.  And pray.  He does listen no matter what the topic.  You need to ask.

Losing Credibility

My stuffed green pepper experiment was a "fail".  I had leftover marinara and meatballs.  They were fine.  I sauteed more chopped onion, peppers and garlic - just fine.  I added some nice bread crumbs and parmesean cheese.  No prob.  Good rice.  The peppers were just beautiful. 

The failure was adding two eggs.  When I added the eggs I was thinking "This will bind the stuffing" and as I'm breaking the eggs over it I'm seeing a stuffing mix that is already "bound" and does not need more help.  In they go anyway.  Mix it up and its kinda gooey-ish.  Stuff the peppers and it looks decent.  Finish off in the oven and serve and its still too gooey.

So lesson learned is fogetabouttheeggs and just stuffthepeppers.  I'll re-run with the change and share if it hits the mark.

Meantime, hope I don't lose too much "cred" with you guys.  At least I admitted it.  BTW they didn't "look" bad:

Finally - go read and take recipt of Stacie's Greek Stuffed Pepper recipe in the comments.  Wow.  Gotta do that and the Stuffed Tomatoes when those boys are in season.  I LOVE stuffed maters.  Mmmm.

Men in Heaven - Who is the Head of the Household?

At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives."

God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

The women left and the men formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it.

God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you were disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed me. Learn from him."

Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

Can I Get A Witness?

Thrashing around in my foodie head is the thought of Stuffed and Roasted Peppers.  I know in my version of them you would find Italian sausage rather than ground beef.  I'd have rice, onion, tomato, garlic, basil, some light brown sugar, and maybe even corn.  But, my sense tells me that I'd need to depart from the stuffed green peppers of my youth.  Ugh.  Sounds like cafeteria food - or at best the stuff your Mom made you eat as a kid. 

So my version is going to have a different spin to it.  But I need a witness ... somebody else to inspire me to create and test a new recipe for stuffed peppers.  Yellow?  Red?  Orange?  Green?  All of them at once?

If I get a witness, I'm all over it.

Simple Marinara with Meatballs

When we're in the mood for Italian food, but without wanting to make a big deal of of it, I usually turn to a simple marinara sauce and whip up some meat balls.  Served over thin spagetti with some Sweet Italian loaf bread, a salad, and grated parmesean cheese this is easy and hard to beat.


Here's how I do it:


Ingredients:


1 pound of Purnell's (or Bob Evans, or ... from the butcher shop) Italian Sausage
1/4 large yellow onion, chopped
1/4 green pepper, chopped
1/4 red pepper, chopped
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 teaspoon basil
1 teaspoon oregano
1/8 teaspoon fennel seed
1/16 teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 tablesppons light brown sugar
1 large can Contadina crushed tomatoes
1 small can Contadina tomato paste
1 cup mushrooms, cleaned and chopped
1 cup Italian bread crumbs
1/2 cup grated parmesean cheese
red wine
olive oil


Begin my mixing the bread crumbs and grated cheese with the sausage.  Form into meatballs about the size of a golf ball.  There's a certain nostalgia in that for me - given the outside temperature today is around 20 degrees and golf balls are quietly sitting in the trunk of my Infiniti patiently waiting.  Hang in there boys, it won't be long!


Oh, marinara with meatballs ... sorry.  One pound of sausage makes about one dozen meatballs ... the size of golf balls (sigh).  Lightly brown the meatballs in a large skillet and transfer to a plate with a paper towel laid out to absorb excess fat.  Add the onion and peppers to the skillet and saute lightly.  Pour in a splash of wine to deglaze the pan. 


Add the garlic and mushrooms.  BTW, I usually deglaze the pan with some frozen chicken stock I keep in the freezer - ice cube trays do have another purpose in life - but wine would do as well (or both).  Return the meatballs to the skillet.  Add the tomato products and one can of water (using the paste can) and the same amount of red wine.  Add the brown sugar and herbs.  Mix and bring to a light bubble.  Add a pinch or salt and a couple of grinds from your pepper mill.  Taste, adjust, cover and walk away.


Allow to simmer and bubble for as long as you want - mine typically goes for 3 hours.  Very little supervision is required ... I find it hard not to have this pressing need to "taste test" about every 30 minutes.  But I'm retired and a Type A obsessive/compulsive.  You do your thing, your way ... it'll be just fine.


When its time to eat, prep the pasta, plate it up or serve it family style (boy, there's another nostalgic deal for you since everybody in our family lives in another State of this Union - scheesh).

Interesting Day

When you come to visit you're going to have to go to the Shady Lane Cafe with us!  Sandy and I had lunch there today and found the SLC a terrific place to get a classic Rueben sandwich.  Looks like there's plenty of fun stuff to eat - great looking salads, homemade soups, and authentic sandwiches - my next one will be their Philly Beef and Swiss Cheese.  Based on the Ruebens we had, I'm betting this is a gourmet version of a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich without the Cheese Whiz.

We also saw the Lemon Blueberry Cake in person and got to talk with Susi and her husband.  They were lots of fun, very personable, ran a busy restaurant with ease, professionalism and personality.  Lots of smiling faces, lots of food going, tons of energy, and a clean and delicious place to eat.

A good Rueben sandwich needs four things that The Shady Lane Cafe knows all about: top notch corned beef and Swiss cheese, good toasted bread, great sauerkraut and a good Thousand Island dressing.  Then it has to be steamed to melt the cheese and served quickly with a good dill pickle.  There it is - go get one or come over and we'll hit the SLC together!

On a side note -- related to the Seminoles.  I usually wear my Seminole parka in cold weather.  Have been for several years.  Today and yesterday I had people coming up to me wanting to talk about the Florida State football program, the #1 recruiting class they just put together, and the preseason #3 ranking ESPN just gave us.  Huh?  Guess we're back on the national football radar again.  Its been too long.  Go Noles!!!

How I Became a 75 Pound Dog – by Henri “Bo” Wood

I weigh 15 pounds on my Vet’s scale.  Sometimes I weigh 75lbs.  If I am dozing or asleep on your side of the bed, I’ll weigh 75lbs.   Try to move me and you can tell.

How can a 15lbs dog weigh 75lbs?  It’s a sort of Zen-thing I can do.  Let me explain:

You know how in the golf swing when you get the club up to the top of your backswing there is this momentary pause (not paws) before you start the club back down?  What precedes the downswing is a subtle weight shift from your back leg to your front.  At that moment you are pressing on the ground harder with your front foot and you have increased the pressure you are exerting on the ground then and for the whole time while you are completing your swing.  It’s called “leverage” and it helps you hit the ball further.

Same deal with jumping up in the air.  Think of a basketball player getting ready to make a jump shot.  As he steadies the ball in both hands, he crouches slightly and then leaps straight up, releasing the ball at the top of his jump.  At the moment he goes from a crouch to straightening his legs he is using leverage against the floor to push off.  If he weighs 200 pounds standing straight up (or on my vet’s scale), he exerts considerably more force than 200lbs into the floor while he is pushing off to get up in the air.  The vet’s scale probably says 275lbs.

I might note that you can do the same thing lying in bed.  Tonight as you lie there, push yourself into the mattress, breathe slowly and maintain that pressure into the mattress.  You are creating leverage and the effect is that you weigh more.  As you sit there now reading this, lift your feet off the floor – creating leverage into the seat you’re on.  You are harder to pick up now than you were a second ago with your feet on the floor.  Leverage.

So I know my leverage and I weigh 75lbs when I’m on your side of the bed.  That is why you “let a sleeping dog lie” – you can’t move us anyway!

Well, anyway, that's what I think.

Lemon Blueberry Cake

Lemon Blueberry Cake

I’ll give Susi Smith of the Shady Lane Café credit for this recipe which appeared in the Courier-Journal yesterday.  Sandy got inspired by the sound of it and went shopping.  Susi has a great reputation for cakes and pies in this part of Louisville and because of this recipe we’re heading off to the Café for lunch. 

Susi calls this a “dreamsicle cake” (which I will not ... dreamsicle doesn’t do it justice and in fact lowers its standing in my opinion) but it is a considerable amount of work and most dreamsicle cakes are far from a scratch cake like this one.

This is a large cake and while it could be done as a sheet cake, the layering adds to the look.  We had some revelations, not being bakers in our house.  One was the Dream Whip mix – never heard of it.  A little painfulness with the entire one dozen eggs that go into this recipe.  And I guess I knew that there must be lemon extract, but never bought any until now.

You really need your very largest bowl to mix up this batter.  There is a lot going on here.

Before you start, put your butter and cream cheese out on the counter so it softens up sufficiently.  Separate your eggs well before you get into putting this together.  Measure out as much of the ingredients as you can as prep.

Ingredients:

4 ½ cups of Cake Flour – Swans Down is a good brand

2 cups granulated sugar

6 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 large box instant lemon pudding mix

1 2.6 oz box Dream Whip powder mix

Zest and juice of 2 medium lemons

1 20 oz can crushed pineapple, drained

1 cup milk

1 cup shortening

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon lemon extract

6 whole eggs

6 egg whites

12 oz (2 cups) fresh blueberries, rinsed and patted dry

Heat oven to 325 degrees.

In a large bowl stir together flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, pudding mix, and Dream Whip mix (all the dry ingredients).  Add lemon juice and zest, crushed pineapple, milk, shortening, vanilla and lemon extracts.  Beat at a low speed and gradually increase to a medium speed until blended smooth.  Scrape down the bowl as you go to fully incorporate.  Add the whole eggs until they are incorporated and finish on high for 2 minutes until batter is fluffy.

In a separate bowl beat 6 eggs whites until stiff peaks form.  Fold the whites into the batter lightly along with two-thirds of the blueberries.  Divide the batter between two 9 inch cake pans that have been buttered and floured lightly.  Bake for 50 minutes or until the edges of the cake pull away from the sides of the pans.  Cool completely on a rack.

Icing: Lemon Cream Cheese

Ingredients:

1 stick softened butter

2 8 oz packages of softened cream cheese

4 ½ cups powdered sugar (2 one pound boxes)

2 teaspoons lemon juice.

Using an electric mixer, beat the butter and cream cheese together until light.  Gradually beat in the powdered sugar and add lemon juice to a spread-able consistency.

Using a serrated knife, create a flat surface on one cake and place on a serving plate and frost the top.  Add second layer and frost the top and sides.  Garnish with remaining blueberries and thin lemon slices.